yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
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