theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
