Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I'm really busy with my period
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