i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
