I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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