i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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