jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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