You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
