Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
