I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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