fuck your aforementioned shoe
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Randomize
