just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
