did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
