You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
