can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
