Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Randomize
