Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Randomize
