A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize