saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize