There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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