I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
