I'm going to jail i love you
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
