Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
this is an emotional support booty call
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
