I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
