I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
