There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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