Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
