I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
