You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
