He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
