Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
