we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
