the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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