I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
