I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Randomize
