tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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