At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
