If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
