Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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