Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
