if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
