is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
