He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
