It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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