youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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