but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
