I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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