haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
