Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
