Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
