Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
how drunk are you?
Several
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
