My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
