when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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