We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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