Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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