I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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