Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
