First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
