When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
