How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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