dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
