that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Im part way to drunk.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize