I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
