i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
