I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
