Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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