I will die if light touches me.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
