Are we in a gay sports bar?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize