apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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