You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
