I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
