not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
