is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
