your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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