I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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