i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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